Where We Go - Thoughts With Baun
About one year ago I started a journey that uh… to say the least I had no idea where it would end. To be honest I still don’t.
I’m a pretty sentimental person and find myself often looking back in reflection. I think about the highs and lows of my childhood, the triumphs/heartbreaks of high school, and my journey to adulthood through college ending where I am today.
The part of this journey as you all know me has to do with streaming on Twitch, or for my #DivisionShots screenshots, or my podcast, or being a Star Player, being annoying on Twitter or otherwise through my The Division involvement.
Right now I want to take a little journey through my last year, thank some people, complain about some stuff, and talk about where this is going.
Where We’ve Been
To be totally honest barely a year ago I thought Twitter was stupid and Twitch was equally dumb. Why in the world would you watch someone else play a game? Seriously?
After about a year and a half of only being involved in the Reddit subreddit The Division community I expanded my boundaries a bit to Twitter and Twitch. This is where I found the official The Division Twitch channel with the lovely CMs we all know. I also discovered streamers such as MattGoesBuck and TheNealXperienc.
I started posting some unique build guide pictures and started my #DivisionShots project. Through various ways I got some mentions on State of the Game and I realized I had found a new group of friends in the place I least expected.
“I have found those things to be my greatest weakness and am trying to overcome it.”
I started streaming myself around this time and by Christmas time my wife had even noticed that I found myself a new, fun hobby. I won’t say this was all in good fun… there’s been some nasty situations/people along the way but honestly they don’t matter. I have found those things to be my greatest weakness and am trying to overcome it.
In early 2018 I found out I’d be invited to the 2018 E3 conference as a Ubisoft Star Player for my work in the The Division community. Thank you to every single person in the community, any Ubisoft representative who was a part of this, and especially those involved with the game who thought I was worthy.
The last year has been a whirlwind… but what about now?
Where We Are
I see the place where I and we are as something very unknown and with lots of possibilities. I want to break this up into the “good” and the “bad”.
The good? Where do I start? I have made friendships with people around the world that I cherish. I have gotten to know people in an industry I thought was beyond my touch. I’ve gotten to interact with people from around the world who like the things I do/say/create.
In such a bizarre way a hobby I have fostered in my office has opened myself to the world in a way I would have never guessed. I have 2 extra clocks on my phone with the time in Malmo and Australia so I can try to be sure not to message anyone at 2 in the morning. If I told myself this would be a thing a year ago I would have laughed at myself.
I never would have guessed that I would have gotten into such a hobby or community at my age. This wouldn’t have surprised me at all when I was 18 but it hardly even existed. At the ripe age of 30 I feel like I have found a passion in streaming, writing, taking screenshots, podcasting, and creating stuff for other in general. It has been more important to me than I could ever explain.
The bad? Well… nothing can be perfect can it? Like anyone else I am a flawed and imperfect person. I make mistakes, I jump to conclusions, I get jealous, and I lash out at times. I have never and will never claim to be a perfect person… I think our flaws are what make us interesting.
That said… I think our flaws are a challenge for us to always try to improve and never be satisfied with who we are. I find my biggest flaw is engaging with people who don’t care about me, who don’t know me, and whose only goal is to upset and “trigger” people like myself.
I ask for logic and reason in mediums that do not reward it… you see few people who are ”internet famous” for being calm, cool, collected people. It’s something I am coming to terms with. Long story short? There are some people who don’t deserve my attention… there are many more people who do deserve it and that’s something I am going to try to do better moving forward.
Speaking of moving forward…
Where We’re Going
During my trip to Los Angeles and E3 as a Ubi Star Player one of my most profound and meaningful interactions came from a relaxed discussion with the lovely OrenjiiroSage.
During this chat he asked me something along the lines of how I manage my time with so many projects, what my plan is for them long term, and what my goal is in the long run. Honestly… this question baffled me. I had never considered it at all and the questions couldn’t have been posed by a more lovely person in a more lovely way.
Since then I can say I have had some more clarity. I’ve decided to focus on streaming and podcasting as they are the things that give me the most joy. Other things like WordsWithBaun, my YouTube, and other projects are nice to do in spare time but my passion lies with Twitch and my podcast.
What I realized was that while I love The Division and other games the thing I’m seeking is exactly what I felt that first night at E3. I sat around a fire at a bar with a developer and 5 or 6 people I’ve seen hundreds of times on a computer screen. They were all incredible and I felt like I belonged there. That will be a feeling I seek out from here on out.
As for my concrete plans… I want to continue trying to improve my own behavior specifically on Twitter. I never want to hold back my opinions but I also want to be sure I’m expressing them in proper ways and to people who are willing to hear them.
I want to make a real push around January for a Twitch partnership. For the time being I see all of this as a great social outlet but also as a part-time job I am very serious about. Would I ever make ti my full time gig? We shall see… but to be totally honest I love my full time gig.
So…
That Said…
I feel this is a great time to simply say one thing.
Thank you.
Every single one of you.
The sense of belonging and care I have felt from so many strangers, who aren’t really strangers these days, has meant the world to me. Between you all and my absolutely incredible wife (props to Baediesel/Dieselina herself) I’ve been able to grow and foster a new passion that I haven’t felt in a very long time.
I even want to thank the people who have been negative or nasty to me. You are the type of people I am trying to counteract and I only hope to keep doing a better job of it moving forward.
I hope many of you will be willing to come with me on this journey. I have no idea where this is leading me but I know I can’t wait to see where it ends. Please, please always feel free to give me your input and I hope that we all together can do some amazing things.
Until next time.
